Random viewpoint

Porn busters.

2009-02-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

I have a very good buddy. Lets call her N.
We go back. Way back. We met as two ten year olds in secondary school. We locked eyes, merged souls and have been thick as thieves ever since. She knows me like no one else. We did everything together. We would 'escort' each other to visit our new potential boyfriends in their houses. It was kind of a security thing. When I look back I can only laugh at all the paths we had to thread in order to find our Mr rights. (we're both happily married now. )Where didnt we enter? We entered nooks and crannies in search of love. From GRAs and mansions to flea infested hovels just in the bid to be equal opportunity daters! Its glory to God that in all of our escapades we always managed to come out alive. We did this throughout university days and even as youth corpers.

Anyway to the matter at hand. In total we must have entered and spent time in over a hundred bachelor pads! I'm not kidding. We had this thing where we would always try to tell the character of a new guy or to find out if he already had a girl friend while trying to befriend one of us. Usually these guys would blind trust us, two girlie semi-strangers they didnt know too well. They would leave us in their homes to go out and buy take out food or run errands. Sometimes they would even give us keys to their apartments to let ourselves in till they got back from work. What would we do? What else? ransack the place!! We believed guys could never be straightforward and forthright so we had to be sneaky to find truth before taking the plunge with him. When I look back now we had no business dipping fingers into private property but it was all a boatload of fun. What did we find? Sorry. Lets rephrase that. What didn't we find?
We would find old pictures of exes, once we found something that looked suspiciously like juju (that one freaked me out big time!) girlie magazines ,female undies (some real sexy and some just plain old boring knickers), old love letters, boatloads of condoms (That one na real dead giveaway) and the ultimate guy thing. PORN!!!

AAAh. Guys and porn. We became self appointed porn busters. As soon as a guy left and zoomed off we would start looking for his porn stash. N would say, "lets find his stash. Surely he has some because dude is a real freak"! If he had porn that was a deal breaker. Being addicted to plastic breasts on women with plastic earrings and cheap heels wasnt scoring no one any brownie points. We would look in all the drawers, the wardrobe floors, I remember twice climbing into ceilings to double check. You know what? 9.5 times out of ten we found porn. Victory! What is it with guys and porn? Why do they think they have to hide it? Why not just leave them with all the other dvds in the living room? Anyway when we found it, it would be EUREKA from both of us. After exchanging looks of 'I knew' it we would do what every normal girl in our shoes would do which is watch them and then carefully replace them. Hehehehehe!!!! By the time dude got back we would be sitting pretty on his sofa innocent as angels acting like nothing happened. We would replace everything exactly as he left it so he couldnt tell we were all up in his stuff. It became an art. We did it so many time and we would laugh all the way home. Depending on what we found, we would either write him off or give him a second date. It was wierd, we were young but the moral of the story? Dudes, do not let strange girls in your space!!!

CockBlocker!

2009-02-04T19:07:00.001-08:00

Im sorry.

Im usually not this crude. I just couldnt think of any other name for this job title. That's exactly what my friend is. A certified and ordained CockBlocker. Lol. She takes Playa hater to a whole new level. She hates horny guys. Emphasis being on the word hates. If she senses that a dude has the hots for one of us, any girl she knows or even one she doesnt she will step up and do what she knows best which is block any action on his part. She will shatter any dreams he might entertain of getting laid or pleasured in any way shape or form. It is a full time job on her part. All day long she scans the office space for clients who are horny, who seem horny, who dream of being horny or who may become for any known or unknown reason a little bit horny.She always has the biggest smirk on her face. You would think that something had died in the lobby and was stinking to the highest heavens. Was that disdain for the horny guys? Disdain at us girls for eliciting such unholy reactions? Only God knows.

She amuses me the way she will jump into a conversation and tie it in one big ribbon for you and by that I mean she will interrupt the guy mid sentence and see him out. She has the uncanny ability to read discomfort in a girl's body language. If she sees you fidget or shift from foot to foot while talking to anyone of the male specie in she will come flying with her cockblocker cape and crown to rescue you from impending sex. She wont let no one get no play!

My strategy for fending off unwanted male attention is not quite as dramatic as hers. I try to be subtle and give little hints that I hope will derail the horny line of thoughts of a guy . I dont like to hurt feelings. She has no such worries. She is as subtle as a train and as direct as ever. Hands crossed in front of her chest, a frown of disapproval on her face and her best professional voice to kill your desire she'll ask you what exactly you need and if there's anything else you need help with? Nothing else? No? Have a good day Sir!!!! I find it hard keeping a straight face around her while she's in character. Ive teased her several times that she might as well start carrying a knife in her bag to chop of erring manhoods. It is her life calling. She takes her job seriously and scans faces for roving eyes and crotches for the faintest tell tale signs of arousal. If she catches a man with either oh boy! Is he going to get it!

After shooing yet another dude away one day, a co worker reminded her we actually need male attention to thrive. After much probing and searching. I discovered that she hasnt gotten any in forever. Forever being two years and one month. Geez!! That figures. It put everything in perspective. If she isnt getting any then no one around her will. Simple!!!

you cant make this sh*t up!

2008-06-08T08:13:00.001-07:00

Ok so i had a break from my grinding schedule and was on one of the crazy sites i like to go to. What did i come across? Some dude was advertising. He was offering to pay for women's worn undies. He was basically asking women to sell their soiled undies to him. I wiped my eyes, shook my head to clear it, adjusted the light settings on my computer and looked again. The posting was still there. I know some people like to smell and inhale the essence of their significant others. Thats understandable. What satisfaction can one possibly get from sniffing the worn undies of a random stranger? Well i never! Stuff like this, you cant possibly make up. People are wierd.
Anyway it wasnt long before some crazy asian chick answered the ad. She was basically offering to sell her used undies to whoever was interested. You had two options. She could meet you in a hotel room and hand them over to you in a bag or she could arrive wearing them! She would take off the undies right there in your presence (thats for those who like it fresh off the grill!)
She was asking for $15 a pop. Thats really not cheap. But then again how can one place a tag on bodily fluids. How can the prices be determined? By how old the undies have sat in the laundry hamper? Or what time of the month it is for her? Triple yuk! I guess the guy figured that it was better to ask to buy them rather than breaking into laundrymats and stealing them from people's laundry loads. Lol. Where im from you guard your bodily fluids and anything from your bodily jealously. When some people cut their nails or hair they make sure they are disposed of carefully. It may be used for voodoo (or at least thats what they think).
Anyway i used to have an alcoholic roomate back in college. She was as filthy as they come and had baskets of putrid underwear. If only she had seen that ad. Dang! She would have definitely made a killing!

Not on your life!

2008-05-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

On friday an octogenarian asked me out. Horrors!!!!!!!!!!!

For those who dont know what an octogenarian is, its someone who is in his eighties. I called up my friend and told her about it. She couldnt stop laughing. She was driving and almost crashed her car with her son in the back. I on the other hand didnt find it so funny.

This gentleman was a client. I saw he was really old and so i was really extra courteous and I also had to lean forward to speak to him as he had told me he was wearing an earpiece. Was it my body movements? My sweet breathe in his ear? The smell of my perfume? I dont know what did it for him but the old geezer reached out and picked up one of my business cards and scribbled on it. He slid it to me with a coy look. I took the card and managed to decipher what his athritic fingers had put down. It said, " Are you available for dancing, dinner and More?" . Well i never!!!!!!!!!!!!!! More? More?!! He had put more in bold letters.

I was horrified! I am so not into necrophilia! Lol. How on God's green earth did he even think that hot blooded me could date him? He is almost at the end of the numbers and he belongs in a museum. How someone who has one foot in the grave could still be going around hitting on women just amuses me. It took all i had to not burst out laughing in his face. i think i did a good job of not laughing considering the fact i could see his combover and the age spots on his scalp. Didnt want to upset him. His poor heart might fail due to my rejection and he could have keeled over dead right there at my desk. That would have been bad. I told him very gently that i am married and therefore not looking. He apologized because he didnt know I was married.

That incidence further reaffirmed my belief that men and women are different. A woman gets to twenty five and laments that her life is over and she is officially old. She looks in the mirror and sees the imaginary wrinkles and crows feet. A man of seventy looks in the mirror and his deluded mind sees a virile muscled twenty year old boy who deserves a nubile young girl. Ha! Delusion is a real illness.

After he left, I packed up for the day and got in my car. On the drive home i thought about his advances and i got angrier and more upset. Did i look old? Like a hag? Were my hands calloused to him? That couldn't be because I am very young and only have the one kid and pregnancy was real good to me. I came out of it with this banging body. I actually look better now than pre- baby. I couldnt get him out of my mind. When i got home i told my husband about the randy old toad. Brotherman could not stop laughing. He laughed his butt off much to my annoyance. I asked him if i was a hag and he said the old man was just appreciating beauty. But he said it in between laughs. Whatever!

Anyway ive never been down for old men. The thought of a 'Baba' mounting me is the stuff my nightmares are made of. Not even all the jewellery in the world will make it ok to endure that bad breathe, the scaly skin, yellow teeth and the veins on the you-know- what! ugh!! gives me the creeps!!!

Faster than the speed of light!

2008-05-05T18:10:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the experience of being with someone of the opposite sex in a room and before you can look away and look back or before you can blink the person is buck naked without a stich on? I have. More than once. Lol

What is it with men and the ability to throw of their clothes as though its on fire? They usually do that when they think they may be getting some. I once long ago went to visit a guy. He was someone i had only known for a little bit.Before i could say Robinson Crusoe dude was starkers! I honestly didnt know whether to laugh or cry. I still see him in my mind's eye standing there in his birthday suit. Then there was me sitting there with my pretty mouth wide open. Ha! He went on to launch into "You've been giving me the come-hither look and I see the green light you've been giving me". I was baffled as to how two people could be on such different wave lengths. The thought of sex with him had never crossed my mind. He honestly thought i had come to his apartment with sex on the agenda. I just stammered my excuses, grabbed my bag and bolted off in my heels before he tried to take by force.

The second person who disrobed for me when i least expected it was more dramatic. We were watching Tv.I was engrossed in the movie. It wasnt even a romantic one.I didnt know when he went into the other room and came out wearing nothing but a condom. My shock is not something i can even describe. He was just ready to roll. I had to fight the deranged lunatic for 3 whole hours to escape with my virtue intact.You heard me 3 hours. I can laugh about it now when i recount it to my friends but that day i thought i was going to die.We struggled for what seemed an eternity. I tore down the room divide, threw down his electronics (serves him right!), I broke everything breakable in his crib, i was yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs. He must have been shocked at my reaction because he must have thought i was going to just lay there and submit my yam for the eating! The joke was on him. I was like a wild animal beating him off. Thank goodness for talons. I almost put out his eyes. All throughout the struggle i remember half laughing to myself that the guy remembered to put on a condom. The cheek of it! Its funny that throughout the attack the condom didnt slip off. He must have derived his pleasure from me fighting and kicking since he was able to sustain an erection.

I remember him telling me over and over that we were going to 'get down' be it willingly or unwillingly on my part. He said i should save my energy because he was stronger that me. I guess thats what enraged me more. I was more angry than afraid. I was spitting mad and seething with rage at his trying to take advantage of me because he thought he was stronger.

When i got back to my house, I had skin and blood under my nails. That's how you do it! I didnt get away quite so lightly though. He must have given me upwards of twenty slaps and blows to subdue me . I was battered and tore up! I had scratch marks all over me. My lips were bleeding where he bit me repeatedly while trying to kiss me by force. My clothes were torn. My shirt was missing all its buttons.I remember I had to tie it together to appear half decent to get to my house.My top had blood on it. Mine? His? I dont know. At the end of it all we were both bleeding. Anyway I kept the shirt. I still have it. what am i keeping it for? I dont know. Its still in a bag at my parents house.

That second experience made me distrustful of men. I was jumpy around guys for the longest time and I stopped visiting guys at their houses. Dates had to be at a neutral location where there were other people. I wasnt playing the trust game again. Im not saying every guy will disrobe and attack you but the two who did were 2 people i could have sworn would never do that.At least not to me.

Faithfulness.

2008-04-27T09:01:00.000-07:00

I have never cheated on my husband. Honestly.
why? Because for one, I am too exhausted to carry on an illicit affair. Lol. I am a busy girl. Husband, child, school, job, bills, domestic chores including vacuming, laundry,cooking etc . *sigh** What time do i have to squeeze in an extra clingy boyfriend with his own needs and demands?
I'm kidding. That's not the real reason. The reason is that i love my husband with all of my heart and i would never hurt him. He has been so good to me and our daughter. I would be a fool to jeorpadize everything we have. I would be the biggest fool ever to give all that up.
My husband trusts me. Even though he sometimes tells me i'm real naughty and should not be left to go out alone. I like to think he's joking when he says that.

Staying faithful in marriage takes work. hardwork. There are temptations out there. A marriage has its highs and lows too. When one party is vulnerable is usually when its likely for a third wheel to come into the picture.
Faithfulness hasnt always been easy or come naturally. I was not born monogamous like i was told over and over again.I quickly discovered that. I've had to work on myself and train my mind and my loins. Lol.
There is one incidence i remember. I was still single but dating my husband then.I was driving home from work one evening when i spotted this other young dude that lived around the neighbourhood somewhere.I had seen him around a couple of times and he was hot! I was going to take him to my house. For what? Dont even ask because i dont even know! Anyway, I slowed down to pick him up. He was with 2 other friends and maybe a woman had never tried to pick him up or maybe he just had no game but he kind of hesitated in coming up to my car.When i sensed his hesitation i came to my senses and just drove off. I realized that i had just displayed classical masculine behavior. After my marriage its not likely i will be doing anything like that soon. The funny thing is that the very next day my boyfriend came to visit for the weekend. I lived alone in an apartment which i had just rented. The former occupant moved out leaving some unwanted clothes which i used as rags . My boyfriend spilled some water on the kitchen floor and asked for a cloth to wipe it up. I went into the other room and handed him a pair of boxer shorts from the pile of unwanted clothes. It was clearly not his.He just used the thing as a rag. No questions asked. I laughed and asked him if he wouldnt even ask me whose it was and what it was doing in my crib. He just said "No, i trust you, there must be a perfectly legitimate reason for it being here.
At that instant it dawned on me that when someone trusts you and holds you in high esteem you dont want to do anything to betray that trust. It would be just wicked. After that day all other men for me ceased to exist. This guy was for keeps. He trusted me plenty !!!!
Marriage has changed me a lot. I am now like an old maid without game. Its my husband and baby first. Their feelings first, their needs first and me last. its a hard and difficult way to live sometimes but i will have it no other way. Besides the way i see it, i lack the extra energy required to cover up my tracks if i am in an illicit relationship. All the lies and coverups. I never was a good liar anyway. All my emotions show in my eyes. One look at my fidgety form and my husband can detect any fishy or funny behavior. I like my life. Nothing to hide. Nothing to fear. Its just great.

A woman's worth

2008-04-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

What do you think you are worth? I think i am worth my weight in gold. That's my opinion and it is not debateable.Not debatable at all. Lol

I long ago came to the conclusion that a man will treat you the way you let him . At the start of a relationship some women will read out the riot act which goes something like " I do not do pure water and bikes, neither do i trekk or go on foot patrol. I do not do buka food, neither do i do non designer clothes and labels. Count me out of knock off gucci and cheap presents.Poor quality jewellery is a no no etc etc. You get my point dont you?

Men are strange creatures. It seems to me that when that sort of woman makes her list of demands he will bust his tail to step up his game and deliver. He knows the deal. He sure knows the deal. He runs around like a headless chicken terrified of upsetting her and getting yelled and shrieked at.

On the other hand when you go into a relationship as the understanding long suffering girlfriend it seems to me that he will virtually use you to sweep the ground. He will take you to eat at places where you would not take yourself. (Food so bad that you wonder whether he forgets you are a lady!). He takes you out and its such an ordeal getting from point A to B. You trekk like a fulani cattle nomad with him and if you must take some form of transportation it will have to be a commercial bike. Godforbid that you take a whole bike by yourself. You have to be sandwhiched in the middle between him and the okada man. No taxis.It is just so terrible that you would consider faking death while on the date to end it quickly. He is so tight fisted with you that you wonder what you have gotten yourself into.

The way i see it , i dont have to kick up a rukus in order to be treated nice. I deserve that nice treatment all the time. I dont have to give you a list of Dos' and Donts and whine and complain and threaten embargo on sex till you step up to the plate and represent.

My friend once trekked to and fro her destination while on a date with some guy.We were back in college then. I knew he was stingy but not that stingy.When she got back that night. She was half dead and i had to massage her feet with Aboniki. Her thighs were quivering and she had to stab lectures the next day to recover from the great trekk. We still joke over that till today. He put her through hell just to save a penny. The next time he arrived to take her out she put robb ointment all over her cheeks and eyes and feigned illness. It was funny as heck.

The same friend once dated a guy who was stingy. He was so mean spirited. She liked him a lot but had to let him go because of his tight fistedness.She could chill in his crib all day and he would not offer her lunch or even water. She would go out or go home to eat and then return to his house. No presents for birthdays and valentine. yet there she was always at his beck and call cooking and cleaning for him. It was bad. I now know that tight fistedness is not natural. No matter how you look at it.

Some may say women love money. Whatever! Say what you want. Its not about getting all his riches. Its about getting treated decently and treated well. My advice to guys ? Treat your woman nice. if you dont water your garden someone else will. To the women ,when you come accross a taker as i like to call them, run for your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you keep a secret?

2008-04-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

Some of the nastiest sexcapedes ive heard were told to me by girls. I mean stories that would literarily make your ears get burnt! Who says women are born naturally monogamous? Show me that person and i will show you a bare faced liar or just someone in the deep throes of denial.

To those who think they are born that way, i er beg to differ! Differ plenty at that.

I guess i will have to blame society for that misconception. Afterall women are brought up differently than men. Ours is a society where a man is encouraged to etch conquests onto his bedpost while a woman is to remain virtous till marriage. Isnt it ironic that for every randy player man out there, there is an accomplice? Lol.

Girls have had no choice but to be sleek. Afterall in some lands you could be stoned and killed for having been with a man ! (since when that became an offence punishable by death i do not know!) Since high school and college its been one girl after another denying any involvement in sexual acts. They swear solemley with their last breathe.lol. They deny and never admit to anything. After so long i just realized that we women are as promiscous as men.we just must

never get caught.I have a lot of friends from all walks of life. Different ages and backgrounds. Friends from home and abroad. Seriously some of their exploits leave me reeling in horror and frankly disgusts me sometimes.

To the matter at hand, ive always been one to provide my shoulders (narrow thought they may be) to anyone who wants to cry or simply vent. Many a time i get more than what i bargained for when the weight of the world comes tumbling off or should i say out? I've been sworn to secrecy too many times than i care for. "Please dont tell anyone", "Please dont tell my husband","Please hide this person in your house for 2 days"(had to say no to that bizzarre request) Lol.

I do not believe some of the things they've done. These are people who can never be expected to live that way.No body would dare suspect them.

When i promise to keep something a secret i do just that. Many atime i am tempted to blab to my sweetheart but he knows some of these people and i often do not involve him in 'girl talk'. He would have a foaming fit if he found some things out. The bad part is that even though i am not the person who commited the 'crime' i am left to carry the burden of knowledge along with the person. worrying about when the husband would find out, worrying that the person could be killed one day, worrying that hearts would be broken, jobs could be lost, worrying that the secret would be spilled. I could do without the knowledge sometimes. Ignorance truly is bliss.

I guess the reason people keep secrets is because they do not want to be judged. They do what they feel like doing and still want to be seen in a good light. When you consider what people have lost because they came clean you cannot but understand why sometimes it pays to say nothing. As for me, I have learnt to not judge. I am in no position to cast the first stone.

Do you have a back up plan?

2008-03-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

I do.

I am talking to everyone who has ever put their trust in something. I mean all their trust.
All you knew and trusted could in one nano second be gone and torn to shreds. I am in the business of money. Day in, day out i deal with couples who think they are in love. They hold hand, exchange kisses and invest together. They really and honestly believe they will be married forever. What business of mine is it? I just read out the riot act to them just to be certain that they understand the implications of going jointly into any venture i offer. Often i feel very sorry for the women because they have no idea how financially disadvantaged they would be if a marriage ends. We only really hear about the scheming gold-diggers who get a hefty payout. For every woman who gets a huge payout there are a trillion others who got zilch! I mean not one red cent.

Having said that,i think i will be married for ever. Maybe i am the exception.Lol. I have found my soulmate. A good man. Have i put all my trust in him? No, i havent. Will i ? No. That would be foolhardy.
I like to think that i have a good head on my shoulders and know that life comes with no guarantees.
on my job I have sales goals and targets that come with mouth watering bonuses. I have a strategy that works for me. I have made wives my target market, i am not ashamed to say. I tell them to have funds seperate from the family purse.A little something something on the side. Its like their own dirty little secret that should keep them warm at night.Lol. Its up to them if they want to tell their significant others or not. It does not concern me what they choose to do. I put the thoughts in their heads and stroke the fires until they see reason. Do i feel guilty? I dont! Rather i feel good. One less guillable woman rescued from the element of suprise. Suprise, at what her lot will be when and if husband man walks out on her and the kids. I once told my husband, "i have padded my account and girded my heart and i'm ready for whatever!" Suffice to say, he didnt find it funny. Not that i expected him to laugh. **sigh**

Pervs everywhere!

2008-02-22T18:50:00.000-08:00

There are pervs everywhere!
seriously perverts are on the loose seeking whom to devour. Is it just me or have pervets multiplied rapidly? These deranged psychos are everywhere; on the streets, internet, offices, even churches. They are shameless and bolder than ever. They only have one thing on their minds. SEX!! Sex or just CHEAP THRILLS!! cheap thrills from unsuspecting or unwilling women and children.

My old office had glass windows from floor to ceiling. Everyday a particular perv would press his nose on the glass, staring at me through the glass. he would make faces sticking out his tongue licking the glass and grinding his hips against the glass. AAArgh. I used to try to ignore. I wish i had the courage to go throw him a punch. One day he had the courage to finally come in. I saw him enter the office, my heart raced and i was speechless. I didnt know what to do. My boss saw him approach my desk and intercepted him and threw him out. He later came back and told me he had never seen the guy before but he had this crazed look in his eyes that wasn't good. It was a close shave. What was he going to do? I wonder............. Damn pervert.
I was too terrified after that to leave the office alone. He could be lurking in the parking lot. waiting to assault me. i started going about with a sharp pocket knife in my bag. Not brave enough for a gun yet. Lol.

My friend got on a night bus and thought she was going to have an uneventful journey. she thought she only had robbers to worry about . Unknown to her, she was sitting right beside a pervert. She had barely settled down to catch some shut eye when she felt massive calloused hands grabbing at her mammary glands and milking her like she was a cow! She let out a loud shout waking everybody up.She raised an alarm for the bus conductor to turn on the lights and turned to the randy pevert. She landed two hot slaps on his cheeks and took him by the shirt and disgraced him publicly. Dude was trying to act like he was sleep-milking! Lol!

While at the university guys would go and wait at the bus stop just to watch girls getting off bikes so they could catch a glimpse of their panties. That's perveted. Though some think its just a guy thing.
yet another friend of mine is sure she is being watched by a neighbor as she undresses each day. Another narrated how her panties get missing when she uses the general laundrymat in her apartment complex. Seems many pervs these days like to shift through women's clothes and steal only their underthings! creepy! Better for them if thay are worn undies.This perv was later caught by another neighbour. I had actually thought that it might be a girl who coveted other women's fancy underwear. I was freaked out .

I troll about on the internet and pervs abound aplenty. Solicitations , some downright bizzare and scary! Are these dudes okay? i guess we'll never know but i know one thing for sure....i'll kill any perv that comes near me or my kid. And that is no lie.

Housewife!

2008-02-04T21:29:00.000-08:00

Some days i get home from work tired. Bone tired. So tired that even the hairs on my head hurt. On those days i drag my tired soul into the kitchen to start dinner still in my heels. Jesu! what have i gotten myself into? I juggle 2 jobs. wife and mother and career. None is easy. Some days i wake up in the morning and cry. I mean actually burst into tears because it seems like the weight of both jobs is going to kill me. At the office, the stress and tensions almost splits my skull. The home front is another story in itself. I am perpetually glued to the stove and sink complete with baby on my hip. I am in a constant state of exhaustion. Is it even fair? Ive considered being a housewife several times. Not forever but just till the little one grows a bit. I realize i am not super woman. I just want to sit at home and face one job. its hard enough being a housewife. This whole having it all thing is so difficult. On the other hand can i really put myself at a man's mercy? Being reliant on him for my basic necessities? Having to write an application before my daily needs are met?
Having no income to speak of is so unthinkable. Ive been working for as long as i can remember. working non stop for that matter. The only break ive had is when i was fired from a job. (That establishment has been swallowed by mergers) serves them right. Lol.

I want to sit home and cook the meat that hubby goes out and kills. I do not want to share bills . No thank you. I do not want to wear heels and make up. I want to sit home in a ratty t-shirt with patches of oil on the front and watch jerry springer till i am well and ready to start vaccuming in my own good time. sounds tempting but i know myself and that isnt going to happen. Its back to the battlefield called the office tomorrow and back home to handle business. I am super woman.

That green eyed monster!

2008-01-06T12:30:00.000-08:00

Who hasnt been jealous?

I mean reaaaaaaly jealous? I have. when im jealous my body undergoes instant changes. My temperature will rise,my heart will race, my chest will hurt and my eyes will slant. Its not a good feeling i tell you. Recently another opportunity presented itself for me to get one more chance at jealousy. Lucky me! Of course i jumped at it. It turns out i had no reason to be jealous. My jealousy was unfounded. When i look back at that incident i feel really ashamed. What is it about human nature that gets us aboiling? Is it the thought of another being more succesful ? Or another being more beautiful or driving a bigger car? Having a brighter kid? A nicer rack? A nicer house? The list is endless. Contentment has always been preached by my parents. They are the most content people i know. They never envy or complain. Apparently i didnt get that part of their DNA! Lol! I find myself complaining sometimes. I should be counting my blessings and not wishing i had something someone else has!

When i get jealous its because im insecure. I've done some soul searching and it cant be anything else. When you are jealous of someone or a particular good thing that has happened to someone doesnt it mean that you doubt that the same could happen to you in due course?

mirror, mirror on the wall!

2007-12-03T17:37:00.000-08:00

When you look in your mirror what do you see? I see myself in all my imperfect glory. Lol.

I am honest in my evaluation of myself. I see my strong points and also my 'flaws'. I accept myself and honestly i would never want to look like anyone else.I like being me. I like what looks back at me. Ive had my own fair share of male attention over the years. More than i know what to do with! Its funny that the features i despise are what endears me to 'my heartbeat'.

To the matter at hand. Some people think they are cute. they really do. They do not care what you or i think. There they are strutting all over town ugly as sin and thinking they are all that. Oh well. as long as they are happy. who am i ? My opinion doesnt even count.

Women are often more critical in their self assessment. they see the bad skin, the tiny boobs, the thin lips, thunder thighs, buttock overhang and how can i forget the slack you- know -what!

They are never happy with what they see. Why fuss over what you cant change? (not if you dont have $8000 to fix it!)

I had a client today who had just had plastic surgery. I thought she looked wierd as i shook hands and took her into my office. She later revealed she just had a face lift and a tummy tuck. The heifer actually hiked up her top to reveal the ugly gash that was ear to ear across her tummy. Her face was tight and her lips had been pulled into a snarl. I asked her if it was worth it. Yes she rasped through clenched teeth. Worth every penny. She told me she liked what she saw in the mirror now. I almost asked what kind of mirror she uses. lol. Did she buy the mirror at half off because it was defective. who knows?!

living in california is hard. celebs are everywhere. they are a different specie of people. hollywood isnt too far away. the glitz! the glamor! Its infectious. Everyone has fake boobs. Its ridiculous i tell you.

happiness truly starts from within. A cliche i know but its the gospel truth.

When i sit in front of my vanity and say mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of them , my mirror always replies "YOU ARE" !

Gold digger!

2007-11-19T17:27:00.000-08:00

Who can't spot a gold digger?
Lol. Its almost as if gold diggers have a sign on their foreheads. They are just so obvious!!! Gold digging is a career. It is an art carefully and dilligently perfected. Some 'poor' rich soul is seduced, ensnared and milked for all he/she is worth. these day male gold diggers are not to be outdone! They have learnt the art too.

Not too long ago i was reading an article by a renowned relationship expert giving women tips on how to strike gold. They were told to dress the part (provocative of course!) Is it just me or are most gold diggers bimbos? She adviced them to live above their means like living in the plush parts of town, driving expensive cars , eating at expensive restaurants etc even if it meant borrowing. The exalted circle of the rich is not for everyone and you have to be deemed fit to rotate in that circle. You have to be comfortable with their habits and their sports like golf. Most gold diggers are not from rich homes. They truly put on a fake exterior. They wrangle out invites to the most exotic parties. They would go hungry just to make sure hair and nails are done, heels are cute, bags and purses are top quality. They will retire to bed worrying about how the rent will be paid should the dream of striking gold doesnt happen soon and fast. For the man just be young, virile and a sex machine with a sweet sugar coated tongue to charm a rich gal out of her senses and indeed her money.
When they do strike gold, honestly they strike it big. I am so tempted to roll out the list of gold diggers but im scared of getting sued! Lol. We know who they are. No kidding. They walk away from a failed brief marriage with millions. Those who didnt make it to the altar got presents and expensive gifts upfront. The life they live! It really isnt easy being a gold digger. Its a full time job. It also is a career that is filled with hoping. Hoping for that one big jackpot of snagging a millionaire or better still a billionaire. Hope is intangible. It really is but while there's life, there's hope.

Black woman

2007-11-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

I think the black woman is the most misunderstood woman on the face of the earth. Ive always known that women are all misunderstood. Lol. Of recent it has become increasingly obvious that the black woman is often misrepresented in the media. She is always represented as a loud, agressive, obnoxious, no-good trouble maker who is perpetually on welfare because she has a gazillion kids from a gazillion men. Its getting more painful for me because we know the power the media has over peoples's minds. Even the white people who live in their tucked away suburbs without any blacks as neighbours have bought into this.

I love to troll through the internet.Its upsetting that on every interactive site i get on the discussion always goes to how horrible the black woman is. Yesterday i went on a site i will not name. The hate was upsetting. I read that black women are the ugliest women on the face of the earth! They said less than 1% of us are attractive! The site said that we are lazy, fat (since when did that become a crime? )loud, and down right disgusting. Loads of people actually agreed. Where do they get all this hate from? They went on to say that no one wants a black woman, definitely not employers who dont want their baby daddy drama, not white men and not even their own men!

It hurt. It hurt like hell. Do they not know how not to generalize? How to not stereotype?

I am a black woman, for every loud black woman i know, there are a hundred who are not. For every fat black woman i see, there are a hundred skinny ones. These haters really need to learn to love people for who they are. Irrespective of their body structure or whatever else .

Every race has overweight people, people on welfare and loud drama filled people.Is it just me or is the black woman's faults over emphasized?

Having said that, there are black women who slave away day and night so that the kids can eat. There are black women holding down the forte in the absence of a male figure. Those are invisible to the critics? Apparently one egg has been assumed to have spoilt the whole bunch.

Oh well ..............To my fellow black sisters: there will always be racism and add to that sexism. There will always be rejection but in whatever situation be strong, be steadfast and strive to better yourself. People may not like what they see when they look at you but the lord God knows you are beautiful!

Tell me what makes a man.

2007-11-13T17:18:00.000-08:00

Tell me what makes a man.

His clothes? His Cars? His money? Job? Looks? What?

Ive always admired great men. What is it about a 'common' man that earns him respect and accolade? It's his essense.His word.His spirit. His everything.

Every woman desires a strong man. A real man. The kind of man who makes you feel safe, secure and covered. The kind of man who would rather die than see his woman lack. The kind of man who will lay down his life in a heartbeat to protect his family. The kind of man who is one in one billion.

Didnt they say its a man's world?Hasn't it been proven true? In times like these, a man can do just about anything without having to answer to anyone. (at least in the part of the world where i come from!). It takes a man with great compassion and great love to give a woman the respect she's due.

All that having been said, a pocket full of money has never been known to replace a heart full of bravery and courage.

Contraception

2007-11-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

Why does it always have to be the woman who worries about contraception i wondered to myself as i made another appointment with my gynecologist?

Ive pondered long and hard and i still have no other answer except that its the woman who gets pregnant. It is automatically assumed that the woman should be the one to take precautions to avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Guys will even stubbornly refuse to use a condom. Isnt that the least they can do for chrissakes?

My friend has been wearing a coil for 2 years. She carries that coil wherever she goes. Isnt that a foreign body? What an inconvenience. We have to wear patches, pop daily pills, get injections have arm implants. The list is endless. Cant wait till they start making birth control pills for men or some kind of device that can be inserted through the eye of the erm erm you know what.

Till then what do guys do? They just get it up, get it in, get it on! After the act is over the guy just rolls over and falls asleep. That's where it ends for him. The woman is left wondereing in anguish for one month if she is pregnant. For those not planning for a baby at that point in time, that is real agony. Oh well.........Story of our lives!

Do you want kids?

2007-11-12T11:55:00.001-08:00

I have one.
Ive always known i wanted kids someday. When i found out i was pregnant, i was ecstatic. My baby was planned. Very planned. LOL.
I have a few friends who dont want kids. Initially i couldnt understand how they were so sure they didnt want kids. I would press them. How do you know? Are your parents divorced? Were you abused as a child? The questions were endless. Were they just being selfish, greedy and self centered? As time went by i got to understand that people are different. Cultures are different and individuals are different.
Now if someone tells me they dont want kids, i accept it, i dont judge them. They have their reasons and they know their situation. I just feel totally okay with their opinion. By that i mean totally okay!!!

Private Investigator!

2007-11-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Are you a P.I?
Do you snoop after your significant other? By that i mean scroll through his/her phone records, inbox, outbox? Do you hack into their e-mails and read their correspondence? Do you get into your car and trail them to see where they are going? Do you check their clothes for scraps of paper with phone numbers? lipstick stains? perfume?
The list is endless. It is also exhausting. Why would you do that? Trust issues? Insecurities?
My take is this.If you dont trust someone then you have no business being with them! Life is too short to spend trying to catch someone in a lie.

Are you a good kisser?

2007-10-22T18:25:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had the tragic misfortune of being kissed by a horribly inept person? What can i say? Its worse than having a mouth full of amoeba! Ewww!
Men and women kiss differently. Most guys kiss with too much tongue. Its like the more tongue they ram down your throat the more brownie points they think they score. I believe a good kiss starts on the lips. The lips must never be ignored. Yep. The lips must be ravished and acknowledged before the sweetness within can be tapped. That's the way its done. The kind of kiss that leaves you panting open mouthed for more. It leaves you weak at the knees and at that point you are up for the taking!!!!!!

I think Guys learn how to kiss from bad mexican movies. Lol! Too dramatic, too fake, too ridiculous. A friend once kissed a guy she had had a crush on and that killed the magic of the crush. According to her she was mauled in the name of a kiss. She was cured. she couldnt reconcile how a guy so hot and yummy looking could kiss like a fish. When they parted for the night she could tell he was proud of himself. If only brotha man knew!

So to the matter at hand. Are you a good kisser? Do you kiss with too much tongue? Are you a saliva making machine? Is your breathe foul enough to suffocate an elephant? It is not very easy trying to let on to a lover that their techniques need polishing. Its akward and difficult. It has to be done in love. Men's egos are very fragile. Tell a man he kisses bad and he may develope erectile dysfunction all together!!! Keep silent on the other hand and he continues torturing you with the bad kisses. Its your call. To tell or not to tell?

I am not my hair!!!

2007-10-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

I got my first perm at the age of six.

That grew out and i returned to my natural hair. I would yell and wail while my hair was braided. It hurt so bad. I got my next perm at thirteen and have kept that ever since. I do not remember for the life of me what my natural hair looks or feels like. I have always worn a weave . Long, luscious , wavy, beautiful weaves.Beautiful being subjective here.I could never be seen without it. It was almost a part of my personality. Why? where do i even begin? I was taught that nappy hair was ugly, unmanageable and difficult to maintain. I really cant refute all three 'allegations' because over the years my real hair has let me down and proven not to be on -the -go hair. There's simply no quickness to it.

Do people judge me by my hair. Oh yeah they do. Are you kidding?!! I was once told that nappy hair wasn't appropriate for work. How is it even possible that the natural hair given to you by God is considered not appropriate? God help us.

To the matter at hand. I am thinking of going natural. Yep! you heard me. i'll probably be considered one of those afrocentric chicks but who cares? I am just sick and tired of having to keep retouching new growth, having to shell out good money to hook up a good weave trying to look acceptable. I told a few friends and my mom about my intentions. They think i've lost it. Why do black women think going 'nappy' is just a bad idea.? A thousand reasons have been tendered. one being "Since our men have 'abandoned ship' and gone for 'straight haired women' maybe we need to ape the fine texture and go straight then they'll love us. Oh whatever!!

All i know is that my hair has had it. Its no longer as vibrant and shiny as it used to be. Its complaining. I'm just bidding my time before chopping it all off. I am going natural. I'm gonna do it.

Laughter the best medicine!

2007-10-18T17:03:00.000-07:00

Today i had a good belly laugh.
Its been a long time since i found anything funny. I am such a jaded cynic. My share of dry wit is intact but ive just been too exhausted to laugh. Today a co worker narrated a funny story and that was it. I went into a fit of giggles. Boy! I could not stop. I laughed and laughed and ran in the back to laugh some more. My sides hurt, my eyes overflowed with tears and my heart was racing. I tried to pull myself together to attend to my scheduled appointments. I could not stop for the life of me. just when i thought i had it under control a simple look from the friend who had told the story would trigger me off again. It was something else. I finally stopped and rounded up for the day. I drove to pick up the kiddo, arrived at the daycare and started again. Other parents thought i was bordering on the brink. oh well! They would just have to excuse me.

I got home and finally stopped. Would you believe i felt better than i have in years?I felt like i usually do after mindblowing omigosh sex which is really really really good. My muscles were relaxed, my eyes were clear, my soul was light and what have you. That bout of giggles was just what i neeeded.

Eye candy.

2007-10-11T16:34:00.000-07:00

Do you like eye candy? I do. Who doesnt?

Eye candy in layman's terms is anything or better still anyone who is easy on the eyes. How else can i put it? Lol!

Do you oogle? I do. I'm being honest. One thing with oogling is that it should be done with tact and skill. You can look without making a production of it or being caught. Men are such bad ooglers. They plain gape much to the annoyance of their significant others. They crash their cars, give themselves whiplash and stop mid sentence. It is annoying.

I on the other hand have perfected the art of checking out a beauty. 5 secs is all i need to drink it all in. I never get caught , my reputation is intact and everyone is happy. I never stare, and i look from under my lashes with my neck held at just the right angle. (Thank goodness for long lashes).

I recently moved and damn if there arent numerous hotties in my new neighbourhood! I feel like a kid in a candy store. I think i need more eyes. 3 more pairs wont be bad.

When no one is looking.

2007-09-22T18:41:00.000-07:00

Its Amazing what people do when no one is looking. Or at least when they think no one is looking. People will steal, be cruel to animals, litter places, break rules and show up late when they know the boss will be out. I guess its just human nature. To the question of the day, would you cheat if you knew your significant other would never find out? Many would. Afterall what keeps many in check is the fear of what the significant other might do after they find out. File for divorce? Take the kids away? Break the engagement? What would the family do? How would your church view you? The fear of discovery really cause many to think twice.

Bread eaten in secret is sweet the bible says. Think of a tryst with a good looking stranger or third party, witnessed by none but the two involved. You walk away,adjust your clothes,drive home like nothing happened. Neat! You just got away with it. Cool beans! No chance of discovery. How many would do the honorable thing and rise above temptation? You can probably count them on the fingers of your left hand. Ive thought long and hard about me in that situation. What would i do? Considering the fact that i think honesty is the best policy and that adultery is wicked and that two timers are cowards i just never put myself in that kind of situation.

Takers

2007-09-22T17:48:00.000-07:00

I do not like takers. A taker is someone who takes and takes and then takes some more. Taking what? Well the list is endless. your time, your money, your goodwill, your friends, your everything.Takers only know how to receive. Never give. Its funny how in a relationship all the giving is one sided. You know the irritating thing? Takers dont even know that they are takers! Arrrrgh! They assume that all on earth were put on earth for the sole purpose of meeting their needs and pleasing them. I cannot stand takers. Often times they think that they are irresistable and thats why none can say no to them. Ha! Why this piece you may ask? *sigh* Im just tired of takers and their selfish ways.These days i stay far away from them. long ago i put up with takers. I gave, gave and then gave some more till i was emotionally bankrupt. Then comes the resentment and bitterness. Its just not a good feeling. Didnt the bible say to give cheerfully? Once the cheer is gone, i guess its time to stop. To the givers, i say this: It is okay to receive once in a while. Some people feel its a life mission to make other peoples lives easier and comfortable if even at the expense of their own happiness. Its the only life they know. If you cant afford to give, heck say so. Friendship is a two way street with both parties making sacrifices. Let no one use you.

Jealous!!!

2007-09-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Today i went to the DMV to change title on a car i bought. Luckily it went well and i was out of there in no time. I got outside and decided to switch the old license plates i had on previously to the new ones i had just received. I had come armed with a screw driver to do it myself. I got on my knees (you heard me) and started trying to loosen those screws. i huffed and puffed and i just couldn't do it. I looked around and decided to ask for help. I saw a man hurrying by. He seemed to be in a hurry so i let him go on his way. I spotted another guy (cute too) he was switching his own plates so i approached himaand asked for help. not before i realized he was accompanied. There was a girl sitting in his car and her expression became guarded when she saw me talking to him. She wasnt too happy and the daggers she gave me were real.

why do women feel threatened when a fairly attractive woman approaches their man?
In my line of work i come across couples all day long. While doing my job ive learnt to look pointedly at the woman and make eye contact with her more while giving them their options lest my actions be misinterpreted. Ive seen guys be and act robotic when the woman is in tow but get all friendly, relaxed and even a little flirty when they return the next time and she's not there. Oh well!

Some women will automatically start acting demented and clownish just to let you that that the guy is taken. They grab at his hands, fall all over him, kiss her and grind against him all in an effort to let you know that he is not available. Its exhausting what they have to do. Sometimes he doesnt even look that good.

I take a different approach. Sometimes when i go out with loverboy i like to draw back just a little bit to see how women react to him. When we go into a department store, i will automatically head in the opposite direction. I give him space. Plenty. Its true that women prey on unaccompanied men. Should you let that bother you? You either know your man or you dont. There will always be beautiful women. Always.

Faith Hill scores one!

2007-09-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

Country singer Faith hill gave a fan a scolding for grabbing at her husband's crotch. Tim Mcgraw who is faith hill's husband of ten years years was walking to greet fans after performing at the soul2soul concert when a fan grabbed his crotch area. Tim was upset and pissed off and went in the back to tell his wife. Out came Faith and gave the woman a scolding. She singled this woman out of the crowd and pointedly scolded her " Someone needs to teach you some class .You dont grab other people's husband's crotches. That's very disrespectful".

I think faith handled it very well. She later said on the Ellen degeneres show that she was going to let it go but when she came out to sing the girl who had done the groping gave her a look of disdain almost like "there's nothing you can do!" That's when she let her have it. I would have done the same. If any woman grabs my husband in the crotch area i would amputate those phalanges and pulverise them so she would never repeat that act ever again. Go faith!

I am taken!!!!!

2007-09-08T11:45:00.000-07:00

Why is it so difficult for men to accept that you are not looking for a man? Why do they not believe it when you say that you are not interested in whatever they are offering? I am married. One man is enough for me. My life is complicated enough. I am not looking for a third wheel. I get hit on all the time. Its amusing because it seems the older i get the more attractive i become to men (who would have thought!) Where i come from a time there was when it was believed that a woman was old and not of much appeal if she was over 24 or 25. Its really wierd because strange as it sounds women are truly like fine wine. They mature and get better with age. My job brings me in contact with men all day long. Some are sweet, many are flirty, an even greater number are downright lustful. Ive had to become diplomatic in turning them down. I know they were taught that persistence is the key so they try,try and try again. I got an offer to have a tryst with this customer. wife and kids were going to be away in another country for six months. I was offered four months of pampering. He had a boat he said , and he would take me on it and treat me good. Hehehehe!A boat! like it was the final dangling carrot! I said "no, im taken". He said , "boyfriend"? I said 'husband". He said "so"? So? I didnt quite know if i should be shocked, appalled or irritated? How about all three?! Some men get really aggresive when you say no. They get all authoritative,eyes bulging as though by huffing and puffing they could intimidate you into saying yes. Funny1 I just dismiss them with "Have a nice day"!

I usually dont wear my wedding band everyday. with the constant change in weather some days it tends to get really loose and im scared i'll loose it. On other days its so tight that i can't breathe and have to take it off. With the rate at which im getting hit on , ive taken to wearing it always and waving it my male customers faces just so they know that i have a husband. Has it worked. no! I have a drawer full of complimentary cards, scraps of papers with numbers on it, notes professing undying love. Its bizarre! Sometimes i'm like "For me?" Please!

Isnt it just strange that when you are in a happy and commited relationship and tell someone that, they think they can make you happier? As if! I guess for those guys who serially hit on women its just a game of numbers. You dont have to be exceptionally beautiful even or particularly put together. Just have the essentials and by that i mean boobs and a fairly decent butt. I like to think that for every ten girls that turn them down, one will say yeah.

Sex in the gents!

2007-09-04T20:22:00.000-07:00

Senator Larry Craig was arrested in the Minneapolis International airport men's bathroom for soliciting sex. Is it just me or is that laughable? Its even more amusing that the media has fixated on it and made it headline news. He was reported as having made certain gestures with his hands and shuffling his feet in a certain way. **sigh** Why the police would spend tax payers cash laying in wait and skulking between urinals is beyond reason.They were looking for men looking for sex. Please! was it a setup? was the poor senator trailed? Who knows. It was even more painful to listen to the senator's interrogation. It was akward, didnt reveal much and was aimed at humiliating him. The senator was trying to explain his feet tapping and why his foottouched the foot of the police officer in the next stall. "Im a wide guy" he said. That one made me squirm. (Ha! I admit that a bad excuse is better than no excuse.) Why oh why would the tape of his interrogation be made public? Do they have similar stings looking for women looking for sex? I guess not. There have always been double standards when it comes to how men and women are treated on different issues. Suffice to say, the senator has resigned.

lucky pooch!

2007-08-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

Ok.So most people like dogs. I do too. But who on earth would leave a huge fortune to a dog? Err, Leona Helmsley tagged the queen of mean did just that.Yep! you heard right . A $ 12 million chunk of change was left for a pooch to enjoy.That's absurd. I guess its the ultimate spite to her grandkids. That poodle will wear diamonds and live in luxury before it dies in a couple of years. How long do small dogs even live? How does a dog spend money? how expensive are doggie treats? Does that Dog know the value of a dollar? Who knows?

the shocker was that She left her grandkids Craig and Meegan Panzirer nothing, "for reasons which are known to them," the filing says. (NOTHING? What did they do?!) The queen of mean left potential billions to charity. She did leave $100,000 to her chaffeur though.

Im mad at those grandkids! Those grandkids need to be taught how to butter -up people. If i had a grandma who had that much money i would be syrupy sweet to her hoping to inherit it all. Word! I would be at her beck and call doing her bidding to the letter. Oh well. They messed up. Now Bingo has their money!

Beauty and brains?

2007-08-28T16:09:00.000-07:00

ok people. who does not know where the united states is on the map? Truth be told, many Americans can't locate their beloved country on a map with both hands and a torch! But to the matter at hand. I watched the miss Teen USA. I watched in horror as Miss South Carolina mumbled and jumbled and stammered out a very incoherent and difficult- to -make- out response to the question thrown her way. The question was, "Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can't locate the United States on a world map. Why do you think this is?" It was one of those moments where you wished the floor would open and eat you up or that Al Queda would strike the auditorium with a bomb just to take the spotlight away from you. Her response was something like this,

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps, and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like, such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future for our children" .

Good gracious me!!! Do beauty queens have anything else to offer aside their well practised plastic smiles and their ridiculous wave which they spend so much time perfecting? (the wrist ,elbow,elbow, wrist ,elbow wave does get on my damn nerves! I do hate watching beauty queens on floats or in parades.)

Her shame must be complete because all day long that humiliating clip has been played and replayed.All bloggers have talked about it. Youtube has it up with people leaving all kinds of mean comments. I suggest she spends less time on her highlights and more time growing some brain cells.

She's right now going from one interview to another doing damage control but i guess its too late. she wasnt nervous, just dumb and blond!

The stress and strain of a wedding.

2007-08-27T16:26:00.000-07:00

My dear friend has set a date for her wedding. Oh boy! About time cos her cynism is like a living thing in itsef. This is me hoping that marriage will take some cynism away and replace the jaded her with an optimistic and carefree one. (look who's talking!)

Anyway it does bring back memories. Fond? well, some. I remember when i got married, it was exciting, scary, stressful and maddening at the same time. There were wedding plans to be made, errands to run, clothes to be made and tried and oh how could i forget, money to be spent. During that time i became a frugal ,shrewd and prudent accountant, doing whatever to save a penny. Its amazing how you spend so much on a wedding day. wedding planners dont come cheap these days. Then there's hair and make up, flowers, clothes for the bridesmaids and maids of honor. The dresses for the bridesmaids almost drove me crazy. Do women ever agree on a single colour or style to wear? Then there's the food. it had to be affordable but good. When the caterer quoted her price i reared back as though stung by an invisible bee. Seriously, i was ready to cook all that food myself. It wasnt just expensive it was exhorbitant. The per plate price could have fetched me twelve plates on a good day. Truth be told.

All said and done, your wedding will be rated almost on the value of your gift packs and quality of food and drinks served. Its funny how people inconvinience themselves to attend just so they can recount later how well put together it was or how miserly it all was.

After spending all that money i was sitted up on the stage and i could see all the things going wrong. The food was served too early (was the caterer hurrying off to another wedding?), The gifts were about to set off a small kick boxing face off. people were actually fighting over gift packs.It was disturbing. I was able to maintain my happy bride smile, while also cursing under my breathe at the cake maker who was no where to be found. The heifer just dumped the cake there and fell off the face of planet earth. The guests almost didnt get to taste any because it wasnt cut on time.

"everything cant be perfect" whispered my sweetie to me. "Relax" he said. So i did. He told me i looked beautiful. I smiled and tried not to ruin my wedding close ups. Good thing because those pictures will be forever!

Im glad for my friend. Happy she found the one. I just get very exhausted on her behalf when i think of what she's going to go through preparing to take that walk. poor thing.

why is dental work so expensive?

2007-08-27T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am pissed. First i believe i have the best oral hygiene possible. I brush my teeth morning and night unfailingly. Numerous times in between. I have a tooth brush for the office too.I have mouth wash and flossing strings and all the mouth gadgets imaginable.Yet i had to get some work done on my teeth. I just got back from a dental appointment and i parted with quite a chunk. I dont get it. i Guess you just have to go to the dentist no matter how well you look after your mouth. I guess a perfect set of teeth isnt meant to last a lifetime. But why has it got to be so expensive? Ive spent quite a bit on dental bills. I have dental insurance but thats a joke. A big one. It barely covers anything. I am in morbid fear of having a major dental accident like falling down the stairs and losing all my teeth. Or getting a punch on the mouth which will send all my teeth flying out. That wiill cost an arm and a leg to fix you know. LOL. I guess its all that sugar in our diet. I blame the soda to which i am addicted. I should get off that stuff. (mental note!)
The dentist told me today that he's still paying off the $150,000 student loan he took out in order to get his degree. I was like "huh" ?! $150,000! Now i see why they have to charge so much to drill holes in my enamel. Its the most unpleasant feeling in the world. Its awful i tell you. It didnt help that the dentist told me that dentists have the highest rate of sucides in the professional world. It wasnt funny but i had to laugh at that one. yep! i laughed even with my jaw numbed out and with cotton balls stuffed in my mouth i managed to guffaw.
All that drilling cant be pleasant to either the driller or drillee (is that even a word?) Depressing if you ask me. My dentist caused me a lot of pain. I like him so i hope the next time i go there, i dont find him hanging from one of his equipments.

David Beckham comes to town.

2007-08-26T18:38:00.000-07:00

Hold up Ladies!
Guess who's here? David Beckham. If you have no clue who he is or what he's about then you either have been living under a rock or you dont have an eye for beauty.
David Beckham is eye candy. short and simple. he's footballer slash model slash hottie all rolled in one.

Its no longer news that americans do not watch soccer. Guess what ? Beckham has created a bit of interest. Since setting foot on american soil to play for the L.A galaxy he has made headlines. women are excited and why not? He's cute and everything and just possesses that star quality that makes people want to know all about him. we can get excited all we want. Dude is taken. He has a wife. A skinny one at that.(I wish i had all the clothes that she does. The heifer is a fashion statement. A professional shopper!) Together with posh spice he has 3 sons. That doesnt stop all the women from drooling over his rockhard abs. He's a family man to the core.
I was on hand to watch him score his first goal for his new team. I cheered and whooped and all that stuff (and im not even posh spice! sigh!) . I like Beckham. I like him a lot. He's in town anyhow and he's here for 5 years according to his new contract.Goodie! So Gold diggers take note. You have five long years in which to try and break up this rock solid marriage and lay your hands on David and his loot. I dont see that happening but good luck trying.

Women and cars

2007-08-26T18:02:00.000-07:00

Are you one of those women who know nothing about cars? you are not alone. I know absolutely nothing about cars. I stick my keys in, i move. Tire changes, oil changes and car washing arent for me. My worst fear is my car breaking down in the middle of nowhere. what would i do? just burst into tears of course and hope some nice gentleman would stop and rescue me. That or call a friend out from his job to come to my aid and get my car to a mechanic.
Ive always had guys do everything for me including pump my gas. i know, im spoilt.
Anyway i was watching this series on Tv and this busty blond was fixing cars and looking so sexy while doing it. I thought to myself. "i can do that". so here i am on a new rampage trying to learn a few auto tricks. I bought some do-it-yourself manuals and im in business. i'm not blonde and not busty enough but i intend to make repairing a naughty car look good from now henceforth! Word.

Day off!

2007-08-21T13:46:00.000-07:00

Ok so its your day off. What do you do with it? We work so hard and so long that on one 's day off, the only thing you really want to do is curl into a fetal position and sleep. It's my day off today and i had so many plans and so many errands to run. Go shopping, take the car to the car wash, go to the nail salon, respond to my long overdue e-mails, visit friends etc etc. but you know what, everything can wait cos its raining and im sleepy.
You look forward to that day of rest and it comes around and runs so fast. its like, "where did the whole day go"? i dunno. its back to the gruelsome work place tomorrow. Aaargh!

The Plastic surgery option.

2007-08-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

Over the years the option of plastic surgery has become more and more common practice. We all have those body parts which we just hate or wish we could improve or just get rid of. thats where plastic surgery comes in. some people are simply obsessed and just whine and complain and see imaginary lines of fault. I have taken to looking in my mirror several times a day. i dont see imaginary faults.I'vel ooked several times and they are there. Almost imperecptible to the untrained eye but i see them. Yep. Since i had my kid ive found myself watching my body closely. I believe i have earned that right to the constant scrutiny. Afterall having your body grotesquely stretched out of shape while with child does nothing for your previously nice figure. i wonder to myself has my body changed? Do i look different?Can people on the street tell ive had a child? Good luck to them if they can. Do i bulge in places that i didnt use to? Am i deflated in other regions? oh well! battle scars i choose to call the changes in my previously taut body.

I used to be closed minded about plastic surgery. I believed you had to make do with what you were given by the almighty. At best you had make up and clever clothes to hide all your faults. Im starting to think again. Maybe a tummy tuck, a boob job,some lipo, a brow lift, facial skin peel and a butt implant to round things off nicely.(no pun intended!) I am so kidding. I am a coward. A big one at that. I worry about all the things that could go wrong. what if i wind up with one of those freak mishap cases of a botched job. maybe a hole in the boob. Or one in the side of the nose. An ugly looking scar. I guess thats the chance one has to take . Its a gamble really. But i thought i would be more comfortable with the simpler procedures like botox for when i got a lot older. Not until i heard a couple were paralyzed and almost died after being injected with 'raw' botox. That idea was discarded too.
you could come out looking better like Ashley simpson who fixed te crook in her nose and turned out stunning or you could come out looking like erm, erm Cher. (there i said it!) . its not very likely miss Cher will visit my blog but who knows. Stranger things have happened.

The moral of all my ramblings is this. If it will make you feel better, if you have weighed the risks versus the outcomes and you are comfortable with the costs (and boy does it cost good money to have people cut you up!) then go for it. I am not one to be judgemental. i could never deny a mother who has fed six children a chance at lifting what has headed down south.LOL!

mean mean women!

2007-08-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

Some women have it bad.
We've often run into those women who are perpetually mad and angry. Often wonder what they are so mad about? I have been compiling a list of possiblities. seriously i have. Some of the entries include mad at the world, mad at men, mad at their stolen youth, mad at other peoples kids, mad at the rising sun and at the setting one,mad at their hairdressers for dumping them, mad at the extra pounds they put on, mad at the money not in their accounts, mad at the neighbours. ok i have to stop now before i descend into the downright ridiculous.Ever run into such women? of course you have. Who hasn't? they are pretty easy to spot. Angry lines etched into both sides of their mouths. lips like stringed purses. knife cuts. Aaargh. They come your way and ruin your day. Like an ill wind that blows no one any good. .Ive had the honor of dealing with a couple in the line of duty. they honestly make you thankful for the way you are even though you arent perfect. Do they hate the way they look or who they are? or the way you look? How do they pick their victims? are they ever pleasant?
They are nearly always mean to service associates, cashiers, clerks and receptions. Oh boy, do those employees bear the brunt of their anger! Aren't the poor things just trying to extend excellent service while eeking out a living? These women cannot be pleased or satisfied. They simply are erh, erm..........mean!
this is not to say that men cannot be mean, but women just take meanness to another level. Greater heights. Are hormones to blame for the extra bitterness? stress? whatever. A time there was when i would be upset because i was on the receiving end of a meanie. Now i just rationalize that it could be worse.............. I could be them. (All that bile in one's tummy can't be fun.) A comforting thought that i'm not the bile bearer. Thank God for little mercies!